One line for the pain
Two for the pleasure
Melt into the refrain
You’ve never been better.
One for the lies
Two for the guilt
Burnt into the sky
All your wants fulfilled.
Promises, another.
Closure, just one more.
Numb.
Get me out of my mind. I’ll get you out of those clothes. I’m a liner away, from getting you into the mood.
I miss everything about you. Can’t believe that I still want you. After all the things we’ve been through. I miss everything about you..
I see your blue eyes every time I close mine…
I can’t even finish this song. Shoot me in the fucking head please.
So many things run through my head all the time. I don’t know what I want. I don’t know where I’m going. My entire life has always been planned out for me. I’m ready to have my choice in things. I’m ready to make my own decisions. I am surely ready to live my life. I feel like I have experienced nothing.
I wish I felt more. I wish I was more emotional. I could be pregnant. It’s not even phasing me. I feel like there’s something wrong with me. I want someone to diagnose me. I want to reaffirm my assumptions. I have a problem with emotion. I have a problem with people. It’s not something that can be fixed, but I want to affirm that it is a problem.
Do I want to spend the rest of my life not knowing what it’s like to relax.. to feel content? To feel free? Am I content with normality? Maybe. Maybe not. I want to be beautiful. I want someone to look at me and think “She is beautiful”. I want to escape the confines of this mental and physical prison I have built for myself. I want to experience other people and be open to making mistakes.
I want to come back to you. To feel you. To laugh with you. To vent to you. To do things with you. To make plans that never work out. Coming back to you is as easy as taking another breath.
No light, no light in your bright blue eyes. I never knew daylight could be so violent. A revelation in the light of day, You can choose what stays and what fades away.
Graduation is terrible. There’s nothing fun about it. I want to be gone. I don’t care about graduating. It’s just another way for me to disappoint. My heart just hurts so much. I can’t explain it to anyone.
I don’t think my best friend will come to my graduation, because my parents won’t let me go to hers.
This is stupid, and I feel stupid caring about it, but everyone got pages written in their year book by people. Everyone else had good enough friends that they wanted to write in their yearbook and say how much they loved them. No one did that in mine. No one will. Because no one really likes me all that much. It hurts.
My mom wants me gone so much. She wants me to leave. That hurts even more. I’m such a headache for her. I just want to go far away where I can’t be a trouble to anyone anymore.
I fucked up so badly. I fucked up. I fucked up. I fucked up. And now everyone around me has to pay a bigger price than I do. I can’t go to my best friend’s graduation. My mother won’t even look at me half the time, much less touch me. My dad won’t answer my calls or my texts. I didn’t mean to make everything so terrible.
I just want to lay in my bed forever. Where I can’t disappoint people. Where I can just feel sad and no one will pretend to care.
My mom tried to get me to do those graduation invitations tonight. I couldn’t do it. It was just a sad reminder that I don’t have many friends and I surely don’t have any who would want to come to my graduation party.
I’m miserable. I don’t want to see my boyfriend. Or talk to him. I just want to be alone forever.
